Back at home I feel too American. In Cornell I feel too Latino, too foreign.
When I’m with them at a parties, when I’m with them as a group, I code switch. My voice, the way I speak English gets faster more accented. I speak Spanglish more. Like I interject Spanish in my English more often. And that feels very comfortable to me, and very like nice to me. ‘Cause I can’t do that in Ives Hall with like white peers. No one will know what I’m saying. People will think I’m weird or foreign or whatever. And it would make me feel very uncomfortable. But I feel the most Latino I guess when I’m with that group. As opposed to, even with my parents, because my parents it’s all-Spanish right?
My dad hates my Spanglish. He thinks it’s like… and Spanglish is such a sad idea, because it’s like one language and then like being sort of in my head invaded my English as a dominant thing. But Spanglish, this intersection of being American, English speaking and Latino, is most evident with my fellow first gen students at Cornell because they also speak in Spanglish. They also interject inclusions in Spanish. And it’s the most beautiful thing. That’s when I feel the most Latino. Back at home I feel too American. In Cornell I feel too Latino, too like foreign. Somewhere is like the one place, or even in the like LSU is the one place I feel like the most comfortable, cause it’s the most like the intersection of my identities.